Why Female Breadwinners Have Tough Romantic Relationships

I know you clicked on this article because the title caught you. Apektado ka, diba? Ako rin eh! In this article, we will boldly discuss this very interesting topic kung bakit karamihan sa mga female breadwinners experience tough romantic relationships.

Hindi na tayo lalayo, even if we just limit our discussion sa mga Pinay breadwinners, many will agree to this:

Why do female breadwinners have tough romantic relationships?

Who are the female breadwinners

In our context, i-define muna natin ang “breadwinners” in general.

Breadwinners are people who earn money to support a family. A person may be earning money but support no one but himself.

Para mas maganda ang usapan, let us classify these female breadwinners who are in relationships:

  1. Those single or not yet married who have boyfriends or engaged already
  2. Those married and are still heavily supporting their extended families
  3. Those married and the female breadwinner is the primary provider of the family

Sa bawat klase ng female breadwinner, we will discuss ang mga posibleng dahilan kung bakit romantic relationships appear to be challenging or difficult for them.

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The single or not-yet-married female breadwinners

Maraming female breadwinners belong in this category. Kadalasan sa kanila ay mga panganay sa pamilya. Yung iba naman, even though hindi sila ang panganay, sila naman ay may maayos na trabaho or business.

Most of the struggles of these single female breadwinners come when they wanted to be in a romantic relationship already but their family wouldn’t allow it. Have you heard these lines in a Filipino household:

“Hindi pa tapos mga kapatid mo sa pag-aaral. Wag ka munang mag-aasawa.”

“Ikaw lang ang inaasahan namin.”

Because Filipino families have deep familial ties, this overflows even to the aspect of financial support. While hindi masama that Pinoy breadwinners ay tumulong sa pamilya nila, there have to be boundaries.

Personally, I encountered these issues in my previous relationship. Because I am the family’s breadwinner, I support my whole family. We were already making plans of getting married soon but my family issues got in the way. My family still does not want to let go of me. My ex was not able to wait any longer.

Here are some advice for female breadwinners in this category:

  • Teach your other family members how to value money. Ika nga, hindi natin pinupulot ang pera.
  • Hindi masama to give financial support to your parents lalo na kapag matanda na sila and hindi sila nakapaghanda for retirement (we will have a separate discussion about this soon). But if you have siblings who are able but are still depending on your support, that is a different case.
  • If you have other family members who earn money also, ask help in carrying the burdens.
  • It is also helpful if you establish a family household budget, aside from budgeting for your own personal needs. In this budget, list down monthly all sources of income and where it will come from (from you, your other family members, etc.). List down also all your household expenses. In this way, you are able to instill the value of money and budgeting it.
  • Be able to diplomatically relate to your family that, sooner, you will also have your own family. Make it known to them that you are also preparing for your own future family. This is where getting insured and invested as early as today comes in handy. (If you like to get started on this, I can help you. Just sign up in our website!)
  • If you are in a romantic relationship now, it is very helpful if your partner fully understands your situation. Better if he understands your struggles and helps you achieve financial independence, not just for you, but for your family as well.

The married female breadwinners supporting heavily their extended families

Ito ang isa sa mga madalas simulan ng misunderstanding and issues sa isang mag-asawa: Yung may binubuo na kayong sariling pamilya but one of the partners is still supporting their extended families heavily.

We want to emphasize the word “heavily” here dahil our concern to our parents and siblings does not end as soon as we get married and start our own families. Ang issue dito is yung frequency.

Everything must be done in moderation and reasonableness.

That is why the tips in the previous section (single female breadwinners) before become very useful. It is better if before a female breadwinner starts her own family, she was able to help her own family stand on their own and not fully depend to her.

Here are some tips to help female breadwinners in this category:

  • It is better to make sure that even before you leave your family and start your own, you were able to create a form of livelihood for them. Personally, ginagawa ko na ito ngayon because I learned so much from my failed relationship as a single. I am starting side businesses that I involve my family members.
  • Learn to say no at times. Hindi naman sa lahat ng oras ay ikaw pa rin ang aasahan nila. Hindi masamang tumulong pa rin pero moderation is the key.
  • It is better if this issue is also talked about by the couple. Ask your partner his perspective on helping your own families and be able to compromise.

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The married female breadwinners who are the family’s primary provider

Women in our time and generation have arrived to the age where the stereotype that married women become housewives only has been broken already.

Many married women today are also working now, whether full-time or home-based, to help provide for their family needs. The concept that the men alone must work to provide for the family is not generally accepted now.

So where do issues arise for these class of female breadwinners? That is when these married female breadwinners become the primary, if not only, breadwinner in the family.

Sinabi natin na “primary” dahil there maybe 2 scenarios here:

  1. The female breadwinner or si misis ay mas kumikita ng malaki kaysa kay mister
  2. The female breadwinner is the only one earning in the family

In the case of married female breadwinners who earn much than their husbands or partners, the issue arise if merong competition between them. Lalong lalo na kapag natatamaan na ang ego ng lalaki. Accept it or not, there are men who hold on to the “macho” image that they feel inferior kapag mas malaki ang kinikita ng mga misis nila kaysa sa kanila.

In the second case naman, hindi talaga maiiwasang magkaroon ng issues between husband and wife lalo na kapag nararamdaman ng female breadwinner that she alone carries the burden.

Here are tips of advice that can help female breadwinners in this category:

  • If the wife earns much than her husband, it is important that they discuss openly about it. Make sure that it is agreed that even though ganun ang situation nila, it will never be an issue sa marriage nila. Learn to meet halfway.
  • You are never a competitor to your partner. You are meant to be helpmates of each other.
  • For female breadwinners na sila lang ang nagtratrabaho, discuss the reasons why ganito ang setup ninyong mag-asawa. Openly discuss how each of you can help carry the burden.

How has this article helped you? Let us know in the comments below! Share with us your struggles and tips as a female breadwinner!

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